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:: I Hope Someday, You Will Love Me The Way I Have Loved You ::

How do you love someone so much, giving all your heart,

But there’s someone you used to know had given all his love to you.

How do you hope when someone you used to know had pinned high hope on you?

How do I live knowing another heart has died?

How do I move on when I’m still turning back at some point?

How can I doubt when everything is already clear?

How can I hold back my tears when it refused to stop?

How do I tell the truth when it hurts so much?

How can I lie when all I ever wanted was a truthful relationship?

You are the reason why even at the saddest part of my life, I smile.

Even at confusion, I understand.

Even in betrayal, I trust.

And even in fear of pain, I love.

-That’s How Much I Had Loved You Hafidz-

Labels: :: The Vow :

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:20 PM

:: I Don't Love Nor Hate ::

It gets tougher, day by day.

The nearer for the day to comes,

The harder it gets.

I seriously hope its just for temporary.

Or shall be say an obstacle for me

To reach to that level.

Sometimes I get too excited.

But at times I feel so empty.

Yes, very empty.

Like seriously I don't know why.

Sometimes I'm afraid of commitment.

But at times I yearn for it.

Yes, I must be crazy.

Oh tell me bout it siaaaa.

Sometimes I have so much love.

But at times, seriously, I can get angry for

12345678910 days over some little, little thing.

I REALLY CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND.

& Sometimes I can be very sure of my decision,

But at times I really hate making decisions.

Fcuk it right?

& Just about time.

I had given my all and made myself to be so sure.

I'm taken a back, like again.

With all your nonsense.

Or prolly,

I'm on a very bad mood swing.

I really don't know.

No.

You've changed so much.

I don't know if you still love me.

But yeahhh, I don't give a fcuk, a lil'.

Because I know you would say,

You still do and you still wants it to go on.

I AM REALLY EXHAUSTED.

I need a fcking break.

Watching movies online

For the whole day,

All alone,

At home,

On my saturday.

Ya....

I GOT TO BE KIDDING YOU.

Pityful?

I don't have friends?

Fcuk it.

Friends usually stab me from the back.

& if you happen to read this.

I saw you and I don't have any idea why you must hide.

Erm, guilty?

Ohh well.

I rest my case.

Leave it to Allah.

Labels: :: Not Even Missing ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 3:47 AM

:: My Weekends ::

I just wants to live like any normal people.

I just want to have a normal relationship

Like any other happy couple.

But it doesn't mean I'm not happy.

I'm just demanding.

I forgot to be grateful.

I forgot that this is life and not some fantasy world.

I forgot how to stand on my own feet.

Its been so long I was dependent on you.

Made you my shadow.

I don't know why should weekends

Be the days for all couple to look forward for.

It's normal right?

I'm absolutely normal to feel this,

Haiz.

I miss the time

We always look forward on weekends,

Hold hands walking down the street

At town.

Embracing each other

Like we are the best couple

Make strangers envy

With the love we had for one another.

Spend our time like there's no tomorrow.

& other weekends

We would cycle down the street

Laugh our lungs out

Let the breeze wipe our sweat

Or maybe strolling at the beach

Planning about the future,

Telling how much we love each other.

Till the sunset.

Or maybe

We would be cuddling at the movie.

Or maybe

Capture our moments at sentosa.

Or maybe

Now just maybe.

I just miss the old good days.

I don't blame your work.

I know you sacrifice alot for me.

& do the paper chasing

So you could reach our dreams

One fine day.

But as you can see,

I'm lonely as it can be.

No shadow nor light.

I'm missing you badly.

& like any other imperfect human being

I tend to forget to be grateful

And demand things

Which I might not have treasured in the past.

My bad.

Labels: :: I just want to live liek other people ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 4:13 PM

Happy One Year & Nine Months

Yours Truly, Ella @ 12:00 AM

NAK NANGIS PON

DA TAK TAHU NAK NANGIS MACAM MANE.

DA TAKDE AIR MATE DAAAAA.

Yours Truly, Ella @ 1:07 AM

:: Please tell me you still love me ::

Labels: :: ilymhbm ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 1:17 AM

:: Mirror ::

People run to me

Seek help about their relationship

Or atleast made me their listening ear.

Oh hell yeah,

I even have friends who seek advised

When we even hardly meet.

Like once in a blue moon?

I've made them realized.

Make them find their way out.

When the fact is,

My relationship needs help the most.

Seek advise?

Too ego for that I guess.

Listening ear?

Fuck it,

When was the last time

I have someone who I can call a true friend.
Or be my listening ear, atleast.

-______-''

Cock up.

Labels: :: Myself ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 11:21 PM

:: I Just Can't ::

Labels: :: Broken Hearted ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 11:12 PM

:: Why ::

Sometimes, I don't know what you wants.

& Most of the times, I would tend to say the things which I don't mean it.

To be exact, I say the things that I shouldn't be saying EVERYTIME.

Shoot.

Oh yeah just shoot me down.

Labels: :: I love you, still ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 3:03 AM

:: Space ::

Yes, I've found someone to love.

But I've yet to found someone who could love me as much as I do.

I guess so.

Labels: :: Friends ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:16 AM

:: The Truth ::

Fact is

I'm a loner.

Labels: :: That is how empty my heart is ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:13 AM

:: SUPRISE ::

Happy 22nd Birthday To Me!

Thank you sayang for the surprise.

Ohh yeahh,
He bought ice-cream cake
Just because I don't eat cakes
But I do eat ice-cream
Hahaha!
Thoughtful of him!
I love you chomel.
='))

Labels: :: =')) ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 4:22 AM

:: I hurt myself by hurting you ::

I didn't mean it.

Labels: :: I'm truly sorry ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 3:40 PM

:: Will it even be better ::

Today,

I've learned that...

No matter what,

I need a friend.

A friend that I can share my downfall,

A friend that I can share my tears.

A friend that I can share my talk.

A friend that I can share my secret.

A friend that I can share my stories.

Most importantly,

A girlfriend who can accompany me to do my shopping.

That is what girlfriends always do together right?

They share opinion.

They share ideas.

And at times they share the price.

Without getting bored.

Afterall, I am lady.

Even if I am a boring person.

Which lady don't do shopping?

I do love shopping.

Even guys buy good things for themselves.

I get bored going to the guy shop,

And he gets bored going to the ladies shop.

& there's nothing I can do.

I just wanna be honest.

So would you like to be my girlfriend.

But will you stab me from behind?

Because I am phobia having friends

Even knowing I need one.

Can you solve my problem?

Because my boyfriend don't seem to understand.

& yeah, he admit.

He love me less.

Fading.

Worst still,

Giving myself to my past.

That is not even the last words I would ever wanna hear.

Its okay to love me not.

But it is not okay to treat me like some rubbish.

=))

Thank you very nice,

I still love you.

& I am still doing fine.

Because I'm born strong

& raised well.

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Labels: :: Because I doubt so ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:26 AM

:: I LOVE YOU SAYANG ::

I LOVE YOU SAYANG.

Labels: :: I LOVE YOU SAYANG ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 11:14 PM

:: Killing Me Softly ::

Fallen.

Deep fall.

Pain.

Hurts.

Broken pieces.

Shattered dreams.

Crashed hope.

Tears.

Hopeless.

Suffering.

Useless.

Cold.

Deep cut.

Sank.

Drop.

Heartache.

Weak.

Aimlessly.

Speechless.

Died.

Prayers.

That's how it would describe.

Labels: :: My Life ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 10:37 PM

:: Your Flawless Skin, Your Smile ::

I Miss You.

That's all I can ever describe my feelings.

Miserable, very miserable.

Labels: :: Your Scents + Everything About You ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 11:53 PM

:: Ikhlaskan ::

Aku pasrah dengan ketentuanMu.
Aku redha dengan kehendakMu.

Aku ikhlas dengan kemahuanMu.

Sesungguhnya hidup ini hanyalah sementara.

Apa lah sangat aku tekial-kial,

Habis kan duit orang tua

Untuk mengubati sakit yang dibuat oleh orang.

Sepatutnya dari awal,

Aku beserah.

Aku cakap aku yakin,

Buktinya aku carik orang untuk sembuhkan aku.

Sebaliknya aku tersiksa, jiwa dan nurani.

Terkandas dengan hal-hal yang mendatangkan syirik.

Sedangkan Allah yang beri kita hidup,

Saket dan sihat.

Sepatutnya aku bersyukur dengan dugaan

Yang aku tempuhi.

Sesungguhnya, Allah merindui

Doa sujud ku yang hanya untukNya.

Datangnya sakit ini,

Hanya membawa diri dekat denganNya.

Tapi sungguh,

Aku jauh lebeh tersiksa dari apa

Orang lihat dengan mata kasar.

Diri seumpama satu beban.

Yang merunsingkan.

Yang jadi umpatan.

Yang jadi percakapan.

Yang jadi berbalahan.

Terkadang aku rasa diri tidak bermakna.

Yang hanya menyusahkan orang sekeliling.

Yang tiada baiknya.

Aku memilih untuk pergi

Bukan kerana aku membenci.

Tapi hati ini lebeh menyayangimu

Dari diri sendiri.

Aku da tak sanggup.

Biarpun tersiksa,

Cukup hanya aku saja yang lalui.

Labels: :: Nescaya Allah Berikan Jalan Yang Terbaik ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 10:25 PM

:: PTM ::

Alhamdulillah.

Dengan izin Allah.

Terjawab segala persoalan.

Hanya padaMu aku berlindung.

Tiada kuasa yang melebehi kuasaMu.

Sesungguhnya kau maha pengasih

Lagi maha penyayang.

Segala pujian bagiNya.

Amin ya rabal a'lamin.

Labels: :: Bersih, sesuci embun pagi ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 10:14 PM

:: I Ponder.... ::

Terkadang aku cemburu dengan kebaikan yang diperolehi oleh orang lain

Yang semestinya aku idam-idamkan.

Terkadang aku tertanya kenapa begitu sulit aku jalani

Sedangkan yang lain begitu senang menikmati hidup.

Terkadang aku berfikir haruskah hidupku terus dihimpit gelisah dan resah

Sedangkan yang lain bahagia akan apa adanya.

Terkadang aku ingin seperti yang lain yang nasib selalu dipihak mereka.

Terkadang aku mahu seperti yang lain yang kebahagian sering kali menjadi milik mereka.

So amaciam melayu aku power tak?

Hehs.

Best Malay Student in Normal Academic, Secondary Two.

YOU GO GIRL!

-_______-'

Labels: :: Like Forever. ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 10:45 PM

:: I Just Don't Understand ::

First of all,

Congratulations to Along and Kak Mimi

For their wedding.

No doubt,

The wedding is splendid!

I love the decor!

The theme.

The colour.

PERFECT.

Minus,

The moment....

When your ex is there

Smilling away at you.

& your ex date is there too.

Waving at you.

Asking for your number,

(Knowing I already have a boyfriend)

Reason is, 'saje je nak ajak bergurau'.

To make it worst,

Your ex date ask from your brother.

*The akward moment when you have to be firm with your own brother*

Hehs.

Plus,

Boyfriend is there!

Ahh so happy y'know!

He managed to get off that day.

Told ya,

He's always there for me.

Lighten up my day even more!

:)) :))

I is mentel whenever he's around.

The butterflies in stomach.

Can't really describe how it feels like.

<3<3

And again, minus back,

The 'MATA MERAH' people.

Who simply can't see others

That looks better than them.

In whatever way.

And they really cannot see others

Who is happier than them.

This kind of people

I would just give a big W and L.

Envy pon agak-agak laa weii.

Takyah tanam hati dengan taik.

Da busuk buat tambah busuk je.

Get a life laa kan om putih kate.

=.='

I'm lost & confused.

I feel disgusted with all the haters.

Tell me on my face bitches

What did I owe you?

Especially

To those heartless people

Who had cast 'power ranger' spell

At me.

Allah tak tidur.

Kebaikkan akan dibalas dengan pahala.

Begitu jugak dengan kejahatan, terumata

Yang berbuat syirik mahupun khurafat.

Bersekutu dengan syaitan dan jin,

Dibalas dengan dosa yang berat untuk ditanggung.

Tuhan itu maha adil.

Labels: :: Even If My Conscience Is Clear ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 9:38 PM

:: Yes Baby I'll Win Their Heart ::

If you ever leave me, baby,Leave some morphine at my doorCause it would take a whole lot of medicationTo realize what we used to have,We don't have it anymore. There's no religion that could save meNo matter how long my knees are on the floor, ohSo keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making To keep you by my sideAnd keep you from walking out the door. Cause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds, my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rain I'll never be your mother's favoriteYour daddy can't even look me in the eyeOooh if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thingSaying there goes my little girl Walking with that troublesome guy But they're just afraid of something they can't understandOooh well little darling watch me change their mindsYeah for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll tryI'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleedingIf that'll make it right Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesIf I lose you, babyJust like the clouds, my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain, rain, rain Ooooh Don't just say goodbye, don't just say, goodbyeI'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleedingIf that'll make it right Cause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds, my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain, rain, rain, rain...

Labels: :: One Fine Day, When The Time Is Right ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 12:44 PM

:: Aku Tidak Pernah Kesunyian ::

Ya Allah,

Ampuni segala dosa-dosaku.

Berilah HambaMu Petunjuk.

Jodohi aku dengan orang

Yang beriman.

Agar dapat membimbing ku

Menjadi insan yang setia kepadaMu.

Pertemukan aku dengan

Jalan yang Engkau redhai.

Kau mudahkan jalan ku

Menuju ke arah yang Engkau berkahi.

Jadikan aku hambaMu yang taat kepadaMu.

Amin, Ya Rabbal A'lamin.

Labels: :: Dengan adanya Allah Di Hati ini ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:21 AM

:: I Don't Know How Long More Can I Run ::

I'm running away.

Fact is,

I'm missing you.

I apologised from the bottom of my heart

That I'm ignoring your calls.

Because I can't afford to miss you more

By just hearing your voice.

Its better this way.

Labels: :: It Still Hurts, Alot ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:45 PM

:: When I Thought I have Everybody ::

Allah,

I have no one excepts you.

When everybody is against me.

I had you near my heart,

When I'm left alone,

I had you near my heart.

When I cry,

You watch me sleep.

I just know you will always be there for me.

I won't ask why had I've been struggle

Too much in life.

Cause I know

If there's nothing left for me in this world.

I know you want me to compete for the world in jannah.

Though how weak I can be, right now.

I won't be despair.

Even at times.

I feel like giving up life.

Its like I had live to burden everyone.

And I tried best not to be one.

But it has been likewise.

Heartbreaks all the time.

Wet pillow all night long.

Pain much?

Yes, it is.

Sometimes, I feel I'm the most useless person

In this earth.

Once...I had friends who I can count on.

But sadly, even friends stab me from me behind.

Lonely, as you can see.

Again, I was wrong.

I have you Allah.

And you dear blog,

2nd best listening ear.

Hehs.

So now,

I just wonder.

Love ones leaves one by one.

Then why had you stay,

What took you so long?

You know I can never make things any better.

Why had you make suffer

With all your kindness that I've owed you?

You know I can't afford to repay you.

Not only that.

I had never been thankful and grateful

With the kindness you showered me.

To add on it,

I repay you with hurts and pain.

I took advantage of your kindness.

I step on your head.

I was never grateful.

Now, I leave it to Allah.

He knows best.

At times to think back,

It was my fault

That I've never learnt my lesson.

I should not depends on others.

Guess, I've lost trust in myself.

Mom,

Do forgive me as I've failed to be

A good human being that I should be.

And to you,

I rest my case.

Even if you're not meant for me.

I thank Allah for sending someone nice like you.

I do get tired with all the heartbreaks that I had caused.

I do get sick of myself.

I just wanna break free from all this suffering.

Labels: :: I was wronged, I had nobody ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:41 PM

:: Handsome Boy ::

The day ayang first hold Adli.

Adorable right?

My handsome boy.

Ibu can't wait to play with you,

Bring you out.

& embrace you.

Don't worry my love, You have mummy and ibu,
Always there by your side.
Be a good son.
Make all of us proud,
Especially to mummy and papa.
We love you so much!

Labels: :: M.A.Z ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:31 PM

:: Cinta Tak Harus Memiliki ::

Please don't come back.
Please don't be sad.
Please don't regret.
Please don't be jealous.
Please don't cry.
Please don't turn back.
Please don't hope.
Please don't wish.
Please don't remember me.
Please don't hold any grudges.
Please don't blame yourself.
Please don't punish yourself.
Please don't wait.
Please don't say my name.
Please don't miss me.
Please don't love me.

I've long forgiven you.
Yes, prolly I can never forget.
But who's there to blame?
We are very young to know
What's true love means.

Don't complicate my life now
With your presence.
Let me go.

I've long move on.
Without you.

Yes,
I'm thankful for the great moments
We ever shared together.
The attention you gave.
The love you showered.

Remember I ever told you?
Even before we broke off.
*Maybe deep down
I could feel our love couldn't last long.*
I ever told you that love doesn't mean
You have to be together.
Love doesn't mean we have to own.
Loving someone doesn't mean
You have to be with that person.

Sometimes,
Its about sincerity.
Sincerely letting go.
Sincerely moving on.

& now it makes sense
Why I had said that to you in the past.
I bet you're not as puzzled now as how you are in the past.

I've found the one.
And I truly love him.
It's meant to be.

In the past,
I've found you,
The guy I can live with.
But now I've found him,
The guy I can't live without.
His my future.

I can never betray his love,
His faithfulness.
His devotion.
I've long craved
For that one kind of true love.
I've long waited
For a guy who makes the impossible, possible.
I've long wanting
For a guy who can guide me thru my darkest days.
I've long prayed
For a guy who would love me truly.
I've long wished
For a guy who will catch me when I fall.
I've found.

But because you were my first *considered* real love,
Its hard for me to move on.
For all the things we go through.
Its hard to let go.
You were one of the best.
No doubt.
Be positive.
Maybe we are meant to meet along our journey
Just for us to learn something out of it.
I'm sure now you had learned
To be more appreciative.
Right?
I know right.
Because we are mirror.
We are risk taker.
I don't listen to my bf most of the times.
I hurt him many times.
I just want to feel it myself.
He did warned.
But not until I fall.
I can never learn.
Now,
I do regret not listening to him.
On many things!
Trust me.
HAHA!

Thank god he hadn't give up on me.
I pray hard,
He won't.

Like I've said,
Even if my bf is not fated to be with me.
I can never be back with you.
Because I love him more than I love myself.
I rather die than to be by your side but not his.
I hope this help.

Please don't complicate my life.
I took a long time to forget you.
Still does.

I still wish you the best.
One day, you'll definitely meet the one
That is fated for you.
I'm sure by then
You will be laughing hard
On how silly you are
Running back after me.
You will laugh on how kental you were back then.

Only then, you'll understand
How I had cherished you.
How I had treasured you.
Not more than just a friend.
I do laugh on the things that you gave
Like..I still keep the starbucks plastic cup.
LIKE WTH RIGHT?
Haha!

Hence,
You'll appreciate your future girl more than you ever know.
Nevertheless,
Thank you for the sweet moments.
Thank you for making a difference in my life
Though even for a while.
I do appreciate very much.
Goodbye!
=))

Labels: :: Memoirs ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 12:38 AM

:: Only Death Do Us Apart ::

IT WAS AWESOME!

Though there was technical error.

Where at times the sound system

Were too loud.

No doubt the two bands were great!

So yeah,

From now on,

You will see.

Whenever there's me,

There will definitely be my boyfriend,

(My future husband)

By my side.

I give in alot to those sick people

Who wants to break us apart.

But now,

Have my words.

Forever,

Till eternity,

We will stay.

Labels: :: We Rock The World Together ::

Yours Truly, Ella @ 8:00 PM

:: We will fight through it, together ::

We have reached a year older together.

Embarking to a new stage soon.

But...

No, I have no doubt in loving you

Till eternity.

I'm just afraid.

Afraid of losing you.

We know well,

There's alot of them

Trying to break us apart

In many ways.

In a nick of time,

Everything seem to crashed.

Because of all those heartless people

Who dare claimed that they are my friend.

And vice versa.

I bet they don't know

What's friendship means.

What's sincerity means.

Everything has shattered.

And everything changed.

And I'm left with you.

The only hope left,

Baby, please don't change.

Though you did.

A little.

I still hope things will get

Better in time.

I'm truly sorry

That you have to carry all the burden,

Became their victim

Of what they have against me.

I truly, deeply love you sayang.

Labels: :: 1 year and 15 days :;

Yours Truly, Ella @ 2:58 PM

I Am Who You're Not

I'M NOT ARROGANT BUT I'M NOT POPULAR TO BEGIN WITH JUDGE ME IN ANYWAY YOU WANT THAT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. =)))

070890 Leo-Strong Personalities BLISSFULLY ATTACHED. WHITE Lover Chocolate is Loved. Admin Asst(Sales & Accounts) cum Receptionist, FAMILY is my EVERYTHING. FRIENDS are my HAPPINESS. My Boyfriend=My Other Half.

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