Wednesday, April 13, 2011
:: I need another story, something to get off my chest ::
''The world changing, So do humans''.
In fact,
Pain makes people changed.
Same old phrase &
To define is easier than to understand.
First and foremost.
Stop saying that I'm good at words.
I'm not.
Is just that I'm not an expressive person.
So when I do, I do it amazingly.
That's all.
& obviously I'm not your 'fighter'.
Or 'hebat' and whatever you call it.
Don't tryna put the way like
I'm good at twisting it.
Good at winning words
& I won the 'battle of arguements'.
When you lost of words.
Cut the crap.
Words do kills.
Especially the unspoken words.
I'm not gonna fight for my rights,
No more.
Pointless.
By then you should know,
My silence means my absence is there.
It's the end &
It's a goodbye.
When I opened up my mouth,
Trying to make things right.
You complaint getting hurt with it.
So what's life without pain and hurt?
Bury down the communication and sharing then.
It's like I'm best if I keep myself shut.
But when I kept myself silence.
You still complaint like as if
I'm an ignorant faggot.
& step on my head
Stab me from behind.
Your excuses was,
You are someone like that.
You need someone to share your sadness.
A shoulder for you to cry on.
A passionate listening ears for you.
Well, you are excused.
Oh wait,
How bout me?
& how bout the ones who's THERE FOR YOU
Thinks of me?
Ya, a useless friend.
Thats the outcome you have never know.
You thought I'm different from the rest.
Hell yeah, I'm the same.
With feelings.
With many flaws.
Most imperfect human being
You ever meet.
If you think likewise.
Then yes, you are very true.
Otherwise, keep your comment to yourself.
Anyway, I gotta tell you this.
Yes, you're different.
Cause you know my weakness.
My flaws, my imperfections.
Maybe not perfectly understand
But you did know.
Yet, you wanting me to change instead
Of accepting it.
Have I ever say to you,
'Can you this and that?'
'I don't like this and can you improve on this?'
'Can you not this and that?'
The SAME PEOPLE always accept me for who I am.
It's hard but they learn
Because they care to.
& get used to it like a habit.
We even compromised.
If they learn that I'm egoistic.
They deal with it in a nice way.
& if I learn that there are stubborn.
I'll be the opposite.
Isn't it about give and take?
Now, you even came out with the qns
For who I am.
Should I ask God then,
Why I'm born this way.
Please give me some common sense.
What do you want then?
Take a knife and stab me before my eyes?
If its make you happy ever,
Then do so.
I'm tired with all this dramas.
For you know,
I priortize you more than my bf.
But at the end of the story.
You make me hanging.
So am I at fault if I run to his arms
Rather than yours?
He who always welcome me
Even if I put him last in my list.
Now, lesson learnt.
You have no idea at all.
How I go thru' the hardships alone for you.
Arguements between brothers.
Between mom.
Between cousins.
Between bf.
Just for you.
No, no you didn't even care to know.
The things you don't even know that
I did those to make you happy
& not make you down with the truth
That might make you feel so low.
So what you do think I'm doing
All this while?
How much regrets I have hurting my loved ones.
How badly I've hurt my own feelings.
How much they misses the old me
How much I wanting to be my ownself like I used to be.
Have you ever think of this?
I bet you don't even know.
Many things left untold.
Did you even have a little thought
To ask then to hide?
I've kept alot of secrets from you.
& those was for your happiness.
All this while,
You make me feel like I'm needed in you guys life.
You make me feel I'm someone special.
Make me feel appreciated.
Being treasured.
Helping me here and there.
Be it even in a difficult situations.
Even if it comes to money.
When you know I care much for my pride.
But sacrifices made are secrets.
They can't see.
Nor they can touch.
I can only feel.
Do you feel it?
No.
You only see yours.
Hold on.
Now are you asking for a return?
Now that you assumed I've met someone
In my life and forget you.
Then I shall congratulate you with
Your assumptions.
=)
Just what I needed.
Well,
Care less how happy I am now kay.
I am very, very happy
To know who's the true ones.
I'm not a backup & definitely not a second choice.
Cute was true you have plenty of friends.
But let me finish her phrase.
You have plenty but the matter is the ones who leave.
& I'm one of your un-loyal friend.
What's there to worry?
You got all of them.
You don't need unfaithful friend like me.
I want to get back to the road to where I belong.
From where I've started.
And I'll be with the ones who support me
Not the ones who holds me back.
Definitely I miss my girls.
But I'll miss more if I don't get back to my track.
& this is for my own good.
Prolly, for your own good too.
I don't have the right to say
If what I did is for everyone good.
Cause I can't please everyone.
Indeed, I'm not born to please everyone.
& I don't want there's party says I'm selfish
To make decision for everyone.
So I'm making decision for myself.
Life is like a roller coaster ride.
There's up & down.
& be it up or down.
You will still remember.
& please remember this.
A bestfriend can hurt you more than your worst enemy.
Anyway,
TEARS DON'T MEAN YOU'RE LOSING.
EVERYBODY'S BRUISING.
JUST BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE.
I'm done with my shit.
Hurts?
I know,
Very much.
It hurts me too.
I don't have friends who I could express this.
This is my place.
If you don't like it.
Not happy.
Please exit the webpage.
Its my freedom of speech.
Atleast I don't use vulgarities on you.
Now after all this,
Do I look like I care?
Let me think again.
There's a 'LIE' in believe,'OVER' in lover,
'END' in friendship,
'US' in trust,
'EX' in next &
'IF' in life.
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.
Much appreciated from the bottom of my heart and soul.
Sincerely, truthfully.
Labels: :: My life is kind of boring, need something that I can confess ::
Yours Truly, Ella @ 8:31 AM
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